I spent the night sleeping peacefully after spending the day with Cam. I awoke this morning fully aware of what day it was. It’s been on my mind and I knew it was coming. I’ve thought of things I might write about. I’ve even tried writing before today. However, today seems as if I HAVE to put my thoughts in print. Ten years…one decade.
Mostly, I’m happy. Sometimes, lonely, but definitely . . . happy. It’s a gift given to people who’ve passed through the barrier of deep grief. There are choices. Choose to seek joy or go wallow in what was and be sorrowful. How can joy not be a choice when life seems so precious now?
Reach for change. Life isn’t what was expected, so seek to be changed into a new life that brings contentment. Choose choices that make stretching possible. Don’t be afraid of small things that hold fear. I don’t fear strangers or situations. I embrace them as a chance to grow. To reach out and learn about their lives or experience the beauty of the day.
I’m not afraid of wasting time. Occasionally, time requires a peaceful, lazy day where nothing occurs and the body rests. I enjoy those types of days and find them rejuvenating in the down time of sleep and watching silly, romantic movies.
Experience emotions. It’s okay to have a good cry or a great belly laugh that makes snorting noises. It’s a release of emotions. Sing loudly and don’t mind that it’s not always a lovely sound. Crying silent tears of sadness for loved ones gone is totally acceptable also.
Remember sweet times and try to forget when you failed loved ones. I don’t want to remember the times I’m not proud of, but I wish I could put sweet, ordinary days on a disk to watch a million times over. Playing over the days I overlooked while living them.
It’s been a decade, and I miss what once was, but God has given me this new life to live and I don’t want to miss out on the chance to accept it and live it to its fullest with loved ones.
Remembering you with love…