In 1982, I married my best friend from high school. The one who knew me and loved me. At nineteen, the world is full of possibilities and our baggage that we carry is no bigger than a cosmetic case. I walked down the aisle, dressed in white wearing a hat with a veil. My bridesmaids were in yellow eyelet, homemade dresses topped with ridiculous sunhats. At the time, I thought they were beautiful. Meeting me there was John in a gray morning suit like Luke wore when he married Laura. When walking back down the aisle together, we giggled all the way.

Our apartment was a one bedroom with a wood balcony that I filled with plants. We both worked at mediocre jobs. Mine at a movie theater and John’s at a men’s clothing store. He was going to college, and I didn’t have a plan for my education. Life was happy and settled. We were rolling with it without a care. Showing up at his parents house for dinner if we were broke or cooking dinner at nine in the evening when he got off of work late. We were experiencing life as young adults without parental expectations. We went from living with our parents to living as a couple. It was liberating and wonderful.

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Life did get more complicated during our second year of marriage. I had an unplanned pregnancy that ended in an early miscarriage. We were devastated. It made John think more of what life would have been like financially if we added a child to it. He then took the ability to provide for a family much more seriously. We both still had our mediocre jobs. Our lives didn’t pivot on a dime, but finances and future plans became more of a priority.

John finished his associate degree and worked to move up in management at the men’s clothing store. I still had no idea of what I wanted to become besides a mom. I mourned for the child we lost. With our priorities shifted, birth control became major. Looking back on it, I had no idea that it would be the opposite when we decided we were ready for a family and how hard we would have to work to have a child.

John was offered a managerial position at another store in Victoria, Texas. We moved away from family for the first time in our lives. We didn’t have mom or dad available to drop in to their home for a meal or do laundry. Phone calls and letters became life lines to home for both his parents and mine. Luckily, his dad loved to write letters. I still treasure them to this day. My mom was fine with a phone call. Think back to the 80’s when the Camcorder came out. I tell you when we received a VHS tape in the mail, it was like Christmas.

Ten months… that’s how long we were away before the local store called him back as a manager. We used that time to explore San Antonio and coastal Texas. Without friends and family nearby, we spent the majority of time together when not working. Happy, adventurous, brave, and a little homesick is how I remember it in my mind.

We were almost married eight years before I became a mom. John was still managing the store, and I worked as a daycare teacher. We had purchased our first home. It had been five years of trying to get pregnant with three of those years on fertility treatments. Endless disappointments waiting to conceive and then finally scoring a positive test was exhilarating. Hearing that first heart beat and seeing him on a blurry sonogram was our miracle. Here was the gift we had been waiting for. Painting and fixing up the nursery in anticipation made us giddy with excitement.

My pregnancy began normal except I had morning sickness all day. After my 4th month, I developed gallstones, gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia. I had the baby a month early. I had a pretty typical delivery.

In 1990, we became parents of a beautiful baby boy. Cameron filled our days with activity and joy. We were enamored of all the firsts that come with a baby. Conversations became all about poop, sleeping, feeding, and growing. Eventually leading to walking, talking, and whatever new developments happened.

John became weary of long hours at work and spending less time at home. Retail at a mall is brutal during the holidays. Three years as a sales clerk and six years as a manager had crushed his work spirit. His decision was a new career path and going back to college to change it. I wholeheartedly agreed. I wanted a change for him also. When one person is miserable with work in the family, we all feel it.

Going back to college full-time in the 90’s meant a substantial change to our income. John was the main contributor to our finances. There weren’t on-line classes like today. It would be a two year sacrifice for us. The first thing we did was sell our home. Second, we moved in with his parents. My in-laws were wonderful and generous. They never turned away one of their children that had a need. However, living with parents does make for an interesting interaction as grown-ups.

At eighteen months, Cam had the privilege to live with his grandparents and his parents in the same home. Some of my best memories were made in that yard. John started his second degree to become a radiologic technologist. It would pay so much better and have better work hours. At that time, he suggested that while we were in that situation that I could work on my education too. Was there something that I was interested in?

College had never interested me. I hadn’t been a big fan of high school routines. Yet, here I stood at 29 years old with an opportunity to move forward in my education. I had been working at the daycare since we moved home. I loved working with small children, so I decided to start basics to become a teacher.

As John went full time, I went part-time and continued to work part-time while his parents helped us financially. About a year and a half after we moved in with his parents, John’s grandparents moved into a nursing home. We were able to live in their home while his parents still helped us financially.

We lived there until Cameron finished 4th grade. That home holds special memories of Cam riding with his training wheels on the long porch, getting our first dog as a family of three, a rare snowfall where we caught snowflakes with our tongue, singing by the Christmas tree, and hosting my first Thanksgiving lunch.

John continued and graduated with his Rad Tech certificate and started a job in a hospital. I went full time as a student going every semester I could including summers and mini winter sessions. Cameron was in 2nd grade and I was 34 years old when I graduated with my Bachelors of Science Degree. I could teach any grade between first and eighth. I swear as Cam was growing up, he thought all parents did homework after dinner.

After I graduated, John went back to school part-time to get his Bachelor Degree. I began teaching 4th grade. We had fallen into a secure routine that was both pleasurable and boring. Life flowed around college schedules, work schedules, and all things that go with having a child including trying out different sports, playing, and school life. We finally decided Cam didn’t have an athletic bone in his body, so reading, riding bikes, and doing activities with family filled our time. I absolutely loved those days.

John graduated. Finally, we both finished with our degrees. When Cam was in 5th grade, we were able to buy a home and move out of John’s grandparents’ home. We finished that season of our lives.

If our lives stayed in this mode, I would be happy forever. It did stay that way for a long time. We painted, wall papered, and worked in the yard. Christmases came with Christmas lights and displays in the yard. Cam’s friends coming in and out of the house and playing video games.

You know John never outgrew the video games either. I guess it started in our first apartment when we got a ColecoVision and played Donkey Kong. Do you remember those games? We’d sit on the floor in front of the television and play that game throwing bananas at that gorilla.

So much noise emulated out of our television as John and Cam played video games shooting at one another! I did try, but the action made me motion sick and I was furious when they’d shoot me. Surely, I was supposed to get some consideration when being a mom and wife.

When Cameron was in junior high school, band activities and friends took up our time. Then came high school. We taxied him around as needed. We loved that parenting part of life when school and church activities pulled us in and made us a bigger part of a group. When we could sympathize with other adults about ‘social’ things and behavior expectations.

Teaching took up a major portion of my life during the school year. I let myself be pulled into weekend work. I either brought work home to do or stayed at school late to do it. Now looking back on it, I regret that time away from my family. They say hind sight is twenty-twenty and it is so true.

Every parent can remember the trepidation that is felt when their child drives for the first time without being in the car with them. Cam is a good driver, even now I feel comfortable while he is driving. When he started driving independently, he got his first cell phone. You know the routine, “Drive and then call to let us know you made it safely.”

I don’t know the trust it took our parents when they let us out of the house to drive or in the car of another teenager. Not knowing where we were or what we were up to, but I am thankful because I might have gotten in so much trouble for the places I went.

Of course, it wasn’t expected to know where children were in our generation. Yes, I’m a Boomer…the Jones Generation. Thankfully, I never had to have that restriction with Cam, only reassurance. Cam’s of the Millennial generation. They never had a choice not to let a parent know because of the invention of the cell phone. It takes strength as a parent to let go of the strings that bind parents and children together even with a phone.

It was during Cam’s year as a junior that life would take a detour. Again as a senior the bridge would be washed out. Our life as we knew it changed forever, but as detours go, we did continue.

(I’m ending here, but will pick up our story next time)