Like Christmas lights, fireflies blink in the yard turning on and off, and then a few seconds later, show up in adifferent place, flickering like teeny tiny stars under the trees. It’s mesmerizing waiting for them to wink on and off.
I’m sitting outside on the porch swing listening to the night sounds. I recognize frogs croaking and the noise of insects. I don’t know if they are crickets or cicadas, but the sound is like a continual hum that is both beautiful and deafening. I thinking there must be thousands of insects out here communicating with one another. Are they calling mates? I read somewhere once that it is the males that are calling out to the females. I wonder if they are being answered tonight.
Swirling around the light of the computer screen are a few rogue mosquitoes that are making the annoying buzz and I’m anticipating being bit a few times, which is why I’m doused in “Off Spray” and wearing a sweater, trying to keep from being their snack.
The stars are making their appearance in the night sky over the roof line of the house. The trees are simply silhouettes in the ever darkening blanket. The sky; a dark blue turning into the blackness of night. I learned a long time ago that stars twinkle and planets burn steady bright. I can pick out a few constellations thanks to a friend from our single group, but mostly stars are just beauty to be gazed upon. I love reclining in my hammock watching them silently move across the sky, letting my thoughts move with them. Now however, I’m rocking gently in my swing, barely moving.
Zoey likes to sit on the swing with me; snuggled with her small body pressed against my leg. She likes to be touching whenever she sits with me. Even pets feel the need to make contact with another living being.
The whistle of the train breaks through the sound of the insects. The swish of cars moving on the loop behind me blend in with the night rhythms. I sit and think about my life. It’s not a sad or pitiful life. It just feels like I’m in a holding pattern. I’m answerable to no one except myself. I can do as I like at a moments notice.
Today, I decided to go to the movies. I had a gift card from a student and it looked like rain, so I decided to use it. I went to see two movies. The first one was X-Men: Days of Future Past. I have to admit that I am a Wolverine junkie and have seen every X-Men movie. I will watch any Hugh Jackman or Patrick Stewart movie. The premise of the movie was to change the future by going back to the past and changing events. If that was possible there wouldn’t be any reason to put our faith in God, we’d just keep living life over until we get it to turn out the way we want.
We only have one life to live until we get to our eternal home in heaven. The decisions we make and the trials in our life allows us to grow closer to God and rest in His arms. Our Sunday School lesson was about that today. Ezekiel, God’s commands, judgement, and the redemption of His people.
It doesn’t matter what our trials are. In the end, we either choose to make it a positive or negative experience. Hopefully, we accept that it was meant for good to come out of it or we can choose to wallow in self-pity, which was what our sermon was about today.
My second movie was Jersey Boys. A movie about trials of friendships and the loyalty that comes with them as they struggle to come to terms with fame and money. I thoroughly enjoyed the music. As with most things that I do, I people watched while waiting for the movie to begin. Most of the people were older (40’s to 70’s range) and they were mostly in couples. I felt somewhat conspicuous by myself, but not enough to bother me. Then a trio came in; Mom, Dad, and son. They made me smile because I could so have seen Me, John, and Cam seeing the same movie. We always did like musicals.
So I’m back home, sitting outside, and listening to the sounds of night. If the crickets are calling out for mates, I wish them well. I wish calling out for a mate was as easy for people as insects. No simple rubbing of legs and making sounds for us. My goodness, the Internet is full of single people looking for one another, and yet, the ‘matches’ continue to grow. Truthfully, I find some of the men intimidating. I wonder if men feel the same about the women?
I believe with all my heart that God has the person picked out and the timing is His. Why then, do I continue to put my profile out there? Loneliness….most likely. I’m sure that friendship is the only way to start a relationship and that through that bond, love grows.
So until my friend makes an appearance, I’ll continue to wait. I’ll listen to crickets, watch stars, love on my pets, and wait for my future.
I’ll be persistent in my faith, loving and worshipping God. I’ll count my blessings of loving John for 27 years and for being a mom to Cameron. I’ll continue to live this life, sharing my experiences.
Oh Look! There’s the Big Dipper and another train is whistling in the darkness! The music of the night continues……